Robert Plutchik's Theory states that there are 8 types of human emotions.
It all began the morning of my 21st birthday. Oh I was delighted... had friends coming over, my favorite cousins had spent the night so the fun began from the day before. Most importantly though, the love of my life was finally going to be allowed to enter the house. It was my birthday anyway, my Mother had let her guard down and everyone seemed to be on the same page "Make Samantha Happy". The party was to start at 2PM, everything was in order. Food, drinks, music, friends, family, everything. Nothing seemed to be going wrong. I was happy. Smiling like a fat kid in a candy store, the love shown to me wasn't strange, but I guess the consistency that morning was a bit... overwhelming. The laughter. The smiles. The fun...
The Joy.
Party kicked into gear about half 3 and food and drinks were clearly in abundance. My closest friends arrived first and we had spent almost an hour dressing up and making sure we all looked the part. I felt special. I checked the time intermittently as my love was yet to arrive. Not to worry, some of his friends were already here, so I was all but certain he would be there. I checked on my Mother regularly too, to feel her pulse and make sure the party wasn't at risk of being shut down by her being upset about something, but to my delight, she was more than happy to be the "Host Mother". Not even the breakage of a few tumblers could sway her mood. She asked "Is he here yet?". A split second of shock quickly turned to anxiety as she had never asked after him before or even accepted the fact that he existed in my life as my boyfriend. I guess it was because it was my birthday and well... I am 21 now so yea... . I replied "Not yet Mum, You'd be the first to know.". As I pulled away from her, my stomach rumbled like a dozen crocodiles death rolling a carcass at the same time. I couldn't breathe for a moment as I quickly downed the punch I had in my glass. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had to keep an open mind, after all, she had taken the news pretty well and she seemed in a rare pleasant mood so far. I was satisfied that nothing would go wrong. The confidence. The belief. The faith...
The anticipation.
I checked my watch, 6:15PM, why wasn't he here yet? I was beginning to get worried. Not only worried that he wouldn't show up, but more worried I would look like a fool in front of my friend's and most especially my Mother. I wasn't able to reach him on his cell phone and my close friends saw right through my smile that I was worried. I poured another glass of punch and had ordered the waiter to make it stronger, I thought if I could drink to a point, my nerves would be calmer. This is when my day started going south. I went to the garden for some fresh air and sat right in the middle, equilibrium from both fences and I had a perfect vantage point from where I could see the entire span of the party. Adults to the left, young adults to the right. I could see the main gate as well and saw everyone who was going in and out. The dance floor was busy, I forced a smile seeing my friends trying to mock me on the dance floor. Then I saw a friend of my boyfriend walking up to me. I quickly pulled myself together trying hard to hide my worry. "Hey!" he said. "Hi Phillip... having fun?" I replied. "Yea, but the big question is... are you?" he asked. I looked at him and downed my punch. "Never better.". The lies. The shame. The disappointment...
The disgust.
From then on, nothing seemed to matter. I let myself go. Dancing like I had a gun to my head and remote sensors were attached to my shoes and the trigger, which would set the trigger off should my feet stop moving. I drank like a dehydrated camel and no one could stop me. Pictures I was shown after the party told a story even I had a hard time believing. To cut the long story short... he didn't show up. Danny, my love, my lover, the one I had literally thrown this party for... let me down. It's funny right? How I let him get to me so much that I totally lost it right? Yea well... I had plans for that day. The big unveiling for my Mother, the marking of territory to my friends, and the absolute PR I would gain from kissing my boyfriend right after cutting my cake. The gist would spread no doubt and I wanted it to reach both our exes if it could. Petty maybe, but I was in Love. Yea, none of that was going to happen now. He broke my heart. I hated him for it. I wished he was there so badly now. Not for the plans I had, but for the fact I wanted to inflict pain on him the way he did my heart. The deceit. The betrayal. The rage...
The anger.
I was devastated. I found myself at the same spot in the garden. Same vantage point, same view, same perspective, same glass, same punch, different emotions. I was weak. Ridden with heartbreak and brewing with revenge. The party was rounding up, in fact, it was pretty much over. Cleaners sweeping to the right, cousins and best friends and a few Aunts to the left. I could see my mother. Her mood was the same, high spirit, all smiles. Which sacred me though, because I knew she had a few things to say to me once everyone was done. Wasn't sure exactly what it'll be, but I knew I was gonna receive a tongue lashing. Dammit! It was all Danny's fault. How could he? I hated him so much. I hated the fact I loved him so much. I had to pay him back, couldn't just let him off so easily. I finished what was left in my glass, looked up that's when I saw Phillip walking up to me the second time.
The realization. The revenge. The pain...
The sadness.
Don't remember much from after the garden. At this point I had laced my blood vessels with enough alcohol that everything was a blur. I remember snippets of things that happened from then on. I remember checking my watch and seeing 11:30-ishPM. I remember smoking a cigarette, I didn't know I could smoke. I remember walking down the street. I remember seeing my Mom calling on my phone, don't remember if I picked up or not. I remember sticking my head out the passenger window of a car as the night breeze caressed my face, think it was a blue Mercedes, or was it black? I remember being naked. I remember being kissed. I remember making out. I remember... ... ... Phillip?! The memories. The questions. The truth...
The fear.
What had I just done? Good job Samantha, give yourself a pat on the back. You have just made out with the friend of your boyfriend, or should it be ex-boyfriend, cause surely the relationship would be over once Danny finds out, and he will. The devil wouldn't let such a thing go uncovered. I had messed up. Or had I? I spent a few more hours with Phillip in the car, don't remember how long we were sitting naked at the back of the car, but when the burn of a flash light triggered my medulla oblongata, I knew I was in big trouble. "Good morning M'am, could you please put your clothes on and step out of the vehicle?" the Officer said. We tried to wake Phillip up, no avail. He was gone. The cigarette I thought I was smoking happened to be the "other" type of smoke. I knew this when I was charged with possession of narcotics. The Officer finally got Phillip up and we both entered the back of the police car as we were clearly to intoxicated to drive. We drove back towards my house and my heart raced as my brain picked up landmarks which signified I was getting closer to mine. Police lights illuminated the street blue and red as a second Police car waited outside my house. There... I could see her... my Mother, drenched with tears, infuriated with disbelief, seaming with pure incandescent disrespect. I was gonna get it. As my house opened up more as I approached, I could see him... standing next to my mother, Danny. My eyes light up for half a second, then it closed slowly with shame. I got out of the car and was greeted with yelling from my Mother. She was angry yes, but more so worried as her voice quivered with worry. Her voice breezed past my ears as I walked slowly towards Danny. He had a bunch of roses and a gift bag with the words "Sorry I'm late, but I am here now." written on the side. I couldn't take it from him. I looked straight at him and walked past him into the house without looking back. I was tired and exhausted and my synapses weren't firing properly I needed to sleep. Danny had been late because of my birthday present. His sister was bringing it from England and her flight had been delayed, and Danny would NOT come empty handed. I opened it the morning after as my mother had left it on my bed. It was... the most beautiful pearl necklace I had even seen, it still is. My tear duct erupted as I was fighting a losing battle to keep it under control. The present. The perfection. The thought...
The surprise.
Yea, just as you expected, Danny and I broke up and well... that was the last party birthday I threw in my house for a long time. In fact, we haven't had another party of such magnitude on my street since my 21st birthday. I'd be 26 shortly, and my Mother and I... we cool. I know this cause she takes care of my baby. She'll be 5 soon, she looks just like her father. I love it and I hate it that she does though. I love it because well, she's my baby and she's the most adorable thing I've ever laid my eyes on. She's smart and she likes music, so maybe a duo with her and Blu is in order? I'd love to sit next to Beyonce as both our babies win Grammies. #wishfulthinking And I hate it cause she reminds me so much of her Father... Phillip, and Phillip reminds me of my 21st Birthday, and my 21st Birthday reminds me of Danny. Danny didn't speak to me for almost 4yrs, but now we civil. I look back and still think about the life I might have had with Danny and I wonder if I had just been able to reach him before self destructing we'd probably still be together. His battery died by the way, he had been at the airport waiting for his sister for hours. He sent me a card on my 25th birthday and a letter he ended with "How's the baby?". I knew what he was trying to do but I smiled. It's painful sometimes when I think of that day, but now, my baby makes it all go away. I love her and she loves me. I have another boyfriend presently and he seems sincere. He talks about marriage and children and he loves my baby. I have learned a lot since that day, and most especially I've learned to be patient. The past. The baby. The boyfriend...
The trust.
The end.
It all began the morning of my 21st birthday. Oh I was delighted... had friends coming over, my favorite cousins had spent the night so the fun began from the day before. Most importantly though, the love of my life was finally going to be allowed to enter the house. It was my birthday anyway, my Mother had let her guard down and everyone seemed to be on the same page "Make Samantha Happy". The party was to start at 2PM, everything was in order. Food, drinks, music, friends, family, everything. Nothing seemed to be going wrong. I was happy. Smiling like a fat kid in a candy store, the love shown to me wasn't strange, but I guess the consistency that morning was a bit... overwhelming. The laughter. The smiles. The fun...
The Joy.
Party kicked into gear about half 3 and food and drinks were clearly in abundance. My closest friends arrived first and we had spent almost an hour dressing up and making sure we all looked the part. I felt special. I checked the time intermittently as my love was yet to arrive. Not to worry, some of his friends were already here, so I was all but certain he would be there. I checked on my Mother regularly too, to feel her pulse and make sure the party wasn't at risk of being shut down by her being upset about something, but to my delight, she was more than happy to be the "Host Mother". Not even the breakage of a few tumblers could sway her mood. She asked "Is he here yet?". A split second of shock quickly turned to anxiety as she had never asked after him before or even accepted the fact that he existed in my life as my boyfriend. I guess it was because it was my birthday and well... I am 21 now so yea... . I replied "Not yet Mum, You'd be the first to know.". As I pulled away from her, my stomach rumbled like a dozen crocodiles death rolling a carcass at the same time. I couldn't breathe for a moment as I quickly downed the punch I had in my glass. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had to keep an open mind, after all, she had taken the news pretty well and she seemed in a rare pleasant mood so far. I was satisfied that nothing would go wrong. The confidence. The belief. The faith...
The anticipation.
I checked my watch, 6:15PM, why wasn't he here yet? I was beginning to get worried. Not only worried that he wouldn't show up, but more worried I would look like a fool in front of my friend's and most especially my Mother. I wasn't able to reach him on his cell phone and my close friends saw right through my smile that I was worried. I poured another glass of punch and had ordered the waiter to make it stronger, I thought if I could drink to a point, my nerves would be calmer. This is when my day started going south. I went to the garden for some fresh air and sat right in the middle, equilibrium from both fences and I had a perfect vantage point from where I could see the entire span of the party. Adults to the left, young adults to the right. I could see the main gate as well and saw everyone who was going in and out. The dance floor was busy, I forced a smile seeing my friends trying to mock me on the dance floor. Then I saw a friend of my boyfriend walking up to me. I quickly pulled myself together trying hard to hide my worry. "Hey!" he said. "Hi Phillip... having fun?" I replied. "Yea, but the big question is... are you?" he asked. I looked at him and downed my punch. "Never better.". The lies. The shame. The disappointment...
The disgust.
From then on, nothing seemed to matter. I let myself go. Dancing like I had a gun to my head and remote sensors were attached to my shoes and the trigger, which would set the trigger off should my feet stop moving. I drank like a dehydrated camel and no one could stop me. Pictures I was shown after the party told a story even I had a hard time believing. To cut the long story short... he didn't show up. Danny, my love, my lover, the one I had literally thrown this party for... let me down. It's funny right? How I let him get to me so much that I totally lost it right? Yea well... I had plans for that day. The big unveiling for my Mother, the marking of territory to my friends, and the absolute PR I would gain from kissing my boyfriend right after cutting my cake. The gist would spread no doubt and I wanted it to reach both our exes if it could. Petty maybe, but I was in Love. Yea, none of that was going to happen now. He broke my heart. I hated him for it. I wished he was there so badly now. Not for the plans I had, but for the fact I wanted to inflict pain on him the way he did my heart. The deceit. The betrayal. The rage...
The anger.
I was devastated. I found myself at the same spot in the garden. Same vantage point, same view, same perspective, same glass, same punch, different emotions. I was weak. Ridden with heartbreak and brewing with revenge. The party was rounding up, in fact, it was pretty much over. Cleaners sweeping to the right, cousins and best friends and a few Aunts to the left. I could see my mother. Her mood was the same, high spirit, all smiles. Which sacred me though, because I knew she had a few things to say to me once everyone was done. Wasn't sure exactly what it'll be, but I knew I was gonna receive a tongue lashing. Dammit! It was all Danny's fault. How could he? I hated him so much. I hated the fact I loved him so much. I had to pay him back, couldn't just let him off so easily. I finished what was left in my glass, looked up that's when I saw Phillip walking up to me the second time.
The realization. The revenge. The pain...
The sadness.
Don't remember much from after the garden. At this point I had laced my blood vessels with enough alcohol that everything was a blur. I remember snippets of things that happened from then on. I remember checking my watch and seeing 11:30-ishPM. I remember smoking a cigarette, I didn't know I could smoke. I remember walking down the street. I remember seeing my Mom calling on my phone, don't remember if I picked up or not. I remember sticking my head out the passenger window of a car as the night breeze caressed my face, think it was a blue Mercedes, or was it black? I remember being naked. I remember being kissed. I remember making out. I remember... ... ... Phillip?! The memories. The questions. The truth...
The fear.
What had I just done? Good job Samantha, give yourself a pat on the back. You have just made out with the friend of your boyfriend, or should it be ex-boyfriend, cause surely the relationship would be over once Danny finds out, and he will. The devil wouldn't let such a thing go uncovered. I had messed up. Or had I? I spent a few more hours with Phillip in the car, don't remember how long we were sitting naked at the back of the car, but when the burn of a flash light triggered my medulla oblongata, I knew I was in big trouble. "Good morning M'am, could you please put your clothes on and step out of the vehicle?" the Officer said. We tried to wake Phillip up, no avail. He was gone. The cigarette I thought I was smoking happened to be the "other" type of smoke. I knew this when I was charged with possession of narcotics. The Officer finally got Phillip up and we both entered the back of the police car as we were clearly to intoxicated to drive. We drove back towards my house and my heart raced as my brain picked up landmarks which signified I was getting closer to mine. Police lights illuminated the street blue and red as a second Police car waited outside my house. There... I could see her... my Mother, drenched with tears, infuriated with disbelief, seaming with pure incandescent disrespect. I was gonna get it. As my house opened up more as I approached, I could see him... standing next to my mother, Danny. My eyes light up for half a second, then it closed slowly with shame. I got out of the car and was greeted with yelling from my Mother. She was angry yes, but more so worried as her voice quivered with worry. Her voice breezed past my ears as I walked slowly towards Danny. He had a bunch of roses and a gift bag with the words "Sorry I'm late, but I am here now." written on the side. I couldn't take it from him. I looked straight at him and walked past him into the house without looking back. I was tired and exhausted and my synapses weren't firing properly I needed to sleep. Danny had been late because of my birthday present. His sister was bringing it from England and her flight had been delayed, and Danny would NOT come empty handed. I opened it the morning after as my mother had left it on my bed. It was... the most beautiful pearl necklace I had even seen, it still is. My tear duct erupted as I was fighting a losing battle to keep it under control. The present. The perfection. The thought...
The surprise.
Yea, just as you expected, Danny and I broke up and well... that was the last party birthday I threw in my house for a long time. In fact, we haven't had another party of such magnitude on my street since my 21st birthday. I'd be 26 shortly, and my Mother and I... we cool. I know this cause she takes care of my baby. She'll be 5 soon, she looks just like her father. I love it and I hate it that she does though. I love it because well, she's my baby and she's the most adorable thing I've ever laid my eyes on. She's smart and she likes music, so maybe a duo with her and Blu is in order? I'd love to sit next to Beyonce as both our babies win Grammies. #wishfulthinking And I hate it cause she reminds me so much of her Father... Phillip, and Phillip reminds me of my 21st Birthday, and my 21st Birthday reminds me of Danny. Danny didn't speak to me for almost 4yrs, but now we civil. I look back and still think about the life I might have had with Danny and I wonder if I had just been able to reach him before self destructing we'd probably still be together. His battery died by the way, he had been at the airport waiting for his sister for hours. He sent me a card on my 25th birthday and a letter he ended with "How's the baby?". I knew what he was trying to do but I smiled. It's painful sometimes when I think of that day, but now, my baby makes it all go away. I love her and she loves me. I have another boyfriend presently and he seems sincere. He talks about marriage and children and he loves my baby. I have learned a lot since that day, and most especially I've learned to be patient. The past. The baby. The boyfriend...
The trust.
The end.
Beautiful! DUNCAN THUMBS up
ReplyDeletePATIENT. That's the word. Nice one bro
ReplyDeleteAmazing coz didn't know u had it in u stealing it lol
ReplyDelete